Session note Session notes

Session notes for Parenting styles — Paper, rock, tree Stages: 3 to 5 years


We’ve learned about 3 styles of parenting from the SKIP Whakatipu booklets: the rock, the paper and the tree.

Open a discussion by inviting whānau to look at Te Māhuri 1, pages 18 and 19 with you. It’s titled ‘Parenting is easy … Yeah right!’.

Pātai ki te whānau:

  • Why do you think it’s called that?
    • Acknowledge that being a parent isn’t always the easiest job. 
  • Where do you think we learn how to be a parent?
  • What sort of parents are there in the world?

Invite whānau to read the descriptions about each type of parenting with you, and discuss how kids are likely to respond to each.

  • Can you tell me what you’ve noticed about how ‘rock’ parents treat their kids?
    • Do you know any parents who parent in this way?
    • What have you heard them say or seen them do?
  • What about ‘paper’ parenting — do you know anyone who parents like this?
    • What have you noticed about how they treat their kids?
    • How might the tamariki behave?
    • Why do you think that happens?
  • Why do you think the rock parent’s tamaiti is afraid and might learn to be a bully?
  • Why do you think the child of a ‘paper’ parent may give up easily when they have a problem, or may have less respect for other people’s rights or feelings?
  • Where’s the happy medium?

The tree or rākau is a type that is firm and fair. This parenting is both strong and flexible and not too extreme in either way. 

It’s not likely that anyone parents only in one type. Most of us are mixtures. But when we become aware of the three types we can work towards becoming more tree-like than rock or paper.

  • What parenting types were your parents? 
  • Can you think of something that happened recently with your tamaiti and how you responded?
    • Which sort of parenting type would you say you were using? 
    • Could you do it any differently? 
    • How would you like to do it?

If it’s appropriate, you might introduce the SKIP Thinking about Parenting booklet to the whānau. You could use it as a workbook with them.

How does this relate to the SKIP resources?

Baby wall friezeWhakarongo mai.  Listen to me — because I need to know that I can trust you to hear me and understand meOpens in new window

Six things children need Te mahi pono, ngā hua me ngā hapa.  Consistency and consequences — having consequences that are reasonable, related and respectfulOpens in new window

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